I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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