So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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