I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
