Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
