She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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