i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
