NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
