he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
