note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
