Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had sex on a roof
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
