I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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