Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
