She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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