i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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