peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
