you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
