u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
