I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
