OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
