i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
