I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
