You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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