Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
