i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
