I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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