my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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