so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
