I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
