i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
