I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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