Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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