make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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