walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
