So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
