wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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