Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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