We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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