I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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