after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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