Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
