and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
