The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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