mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
