he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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