I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
