I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
And then he peed in my hair
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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