8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You can't motorboat a personality
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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