i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
