Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
