Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
