my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
