I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
